A Simple Complicated Question ?

Shit I could have been wrong, but was I right. Am I a freak by nature or am I freak by default. Am I what I seem like or am I what I pretend to be like? Who am I, how do you figure me out. Was it tears or was it just the rain. Fuck who knows. Was it pain or was it grief. I need vindication to where life has me on stand still. I need to know the answers to all those question that linger in my head. My hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption, winding in and winding out the shine of it has caught my eye, so, mesmerizing and so hypnotizing. I am.Whats the meaning of all this. Mambo jumbo. Who decides what is. Why do all good things have to come to an end? Why did I leave that room, why why? Who knows? Was it meant to be, or was it not who knows. Shit nothing makes sense, so I won't think about it. I'll go with the ignorance. Eat, sleep, fuck and flee; in four words, that's me. I am full of indifference now. Taste. I have no taste. I don't like these tiny portions or your artful abortions of sound, sealed with a kiss, slathered in the sauce sarcastic. So go choke on your irony. But then again who is to justify what I think...Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right, I never stopped thinking about you, I'm always wrapped up in things, I cannot win, you are the antidote that gets me by something strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is I'm sorry for the way I am I never meant to be so cold to you. Never meant to slide, slide in this long narrow steep slide to an invisible island. I wanna feel that amazing feeling when surrounded by a city of angles that surrounds you. I don’t want the world to see me, cause I think they don’t understand. There is no bravery left in me, but only the strength to carry on the moment. But I see no bravery no bravery in my eyes. And this moment is silent, my moment is silent. Trace’s of light up in the sky. Like the moment I left when I laid my eyes on you. I looked at you it was like praying with my eyes. But with a trace of something that was meant not to last for long. To many differences, to many faults, to many mistakes, the drift was so fast and vast. The feeling that was so string became a invisible shield, that could not be broken. Why has everything got to be so complicated, why is a feeling so hard to let go, why is what’s so good not last a better time. Why do people change in a blink of an eye? Where is the manual to life stored, I need to find the key to the perfect moment. Till then I am goona have to bitch my way out. The meaning of life has changed; I had rearranged my entire life, System reboot! A new chapter has begun. Wish we started all over again, so you would see who I really am, not who you think I am. I know I was hard to deal with, but I did not mean to be so cold. I want to redeem myself, why have we drifted from something that was so wonderful, why is the only question that has no answer. NO ANSWER.