I have to start somewhere ... let’s see... now what has been the story of my life. It’s like entering a maze Filled with thorn and the only way is walking through It all...well the only choice we have to make here is Whether or not we need to take this journey... every Step taken is going to be hard and painful. But does it mean we have to give up... I was going through the Worse times in my life, when suddenly I came across What I thought was a perfect simple angle... with an Amazing smile and great sense of humour... we had an Amazing time... everyday for me was magic... but this Magic was nothing like an illusion it was totally Real... at least from what I know...time flew by... I felt Sick and it was then when I realized that I was living Around alot of good things and yet it was the start of Which started to be my life’s biggest collapse...? I wish time could stand still and every happy moment lived would repeat it over and over again... a loop to eternity. since then nothing in my life made since... it was as if some one put a spell on our joy... it is said all good things come to an end... never did I ever believe in it...nothing comes to an end... our choices change and all good things change, it’s either for the best or for the worst. for me I don’t know as yet but for my angel it’s for the best... never realized her importance, I blame only me for what is my present state. I said some pretty nasty things when it was not my place to say or do anything... I guess people don’t realise the pain that their words can cause... my world feels apart, why did I try to ruin someone else's world... it could have been the start of something great... what was it that caused me to cause so much drama... and feel so much pain and anger all at the same time... is there a logical sense of what because it all... I guess science will prove that I am a total mess. if only I could see in the future and know what words can cause pain...would only have bought her happiness... and done only that made her happy... she deserves a better life and so do I... but then again it’s in our faults that makes us human, no man or women can say that they are perfect... I biggest flaw is that I repeat my mistakes, this is what makes me the worst person on this planet and for that I do not deserve anyone or anything that could or would make me happy... don’t deserve the best things in life... cause I would simply ruin it all and then come back to where I started... I walked this path only twice and I swear to God thought that this time was my last time... but I am here again... sitting alone here gazing at my laptop screen and my cell hoping it rings and she was on the other side of it... and to hear that voice that gives me multiple goose bumps...but it stays but on my laptop I keep scrolling down memory lane in form of pictures and all those thoughts bring me temporary joy... it is a wild rollercoaster ride that has come to an end along time ago and the park is closed down for the season and yet I am still sitting on the ride... hoping for one more turn and when I look around me I am alone... and no one cares...I have been told to put away my past and concentrate on what is ahead of you... and what is to come.... but then I ask myself, how many times am I supposed to put back my past and concentrate on what’s ahead of me... I have done that in the past and look where I am now, again to be told to put back my past and concentrate on what’s ahead of me... I used to think that life is a beautiful gift from God... everyday was a miracle performed by him and every breath was a blessing.... to show was how much he loves us... then why does he also give us un-happiness is that part of the whole deal... with every joy there follows pain...when will it all stop, when can I sit down and start counting my smiles rather than tears... which I guess from my last count was 1, 435, 234, 155, and 9785 drops. Past year till date... this is not really true but u get the picture... I was such a different person, how can it change, I sometimes don’t know who I am, would not believe the things that I have done... which is the only reason why I sit down in silence and write my story which does not even make sense... but yet this I find is my only way I can feel complete... and since the person who mattered the most to me does not give a flying #@(% ... I need to talk to myself through my laptop.. funny and stupid or childish it may sound but it’s just the way it is... I have come across the worst time in my life and for me to regenerate myself back to the top I have to find my sweet spot that I always had... standing strong amongst the ruins amongst me. Don’t know if I will stand so strong again... I sure do know one thing those who have hurt me in the past I will forgive and forget, but in my opinion by doing so I can feel free and makes me feel better about myself... this has been a ritual in my life... and is something I will never change about myself...those who point fingers at me should first look deep in their heart and see if they are perfect.. to judge and condemn those in front.... its easy to blame, make fun and also hurt others... but realize this what comes around goes around... if you know how it feels when hurt, don’t hurt those who love and respect you... happiness is one thing that is hard to get but easily taken away... I know feelings change, and you will realize u made the biggest mistake of your life starting the whole god forsaken thing...but Hun what is a mistake... what was my fault, I never wanted all this to happen... we both came from different worlds and different points of view... does that mean I am a bad person... does that mean I am not the type u were looking for... what is this TYPE bullshit and where does it end and what is really your type... given a chance I would have never made u tear... but I lost u from the very start I was living a lie.. Everything that was happening was not really happening it was just a dream but with my eyes wide open... I felt happy babes and I wanted to share that with you... but I was not given a chance why? I ask that question... its sad that you think in those terms... I am not a playground that when needed is played on... I am human, but then again who is listening, these words fall on deaf ears... and my pain will remain deep down... piercing every wound and causing pain. I just hope that one day you open your eyes to reality and don’t get influenced by your surroundings. Your surroundings should not define you, make your own identity. You are a sweet person, and your heart is pure... let no one influence you, don’t become them...become the person you are. And you will be happy...anyways so long the journey has only 1hr left and the battery on this laptop is dying 8% life remaining.... Edmonton was good but Toronto is home... where I live a life of a zombie.... 7% battery life remaining... lol sounds like my life line... anyways I am signing off... tc and live strong live happy... 6%...

I am travelling at
Speed: 579 mph,
Altitude: 39237 ft....
Time: 11:11 PM
Date: 31/01/2007
1hr and 15min to destination Toronto...

How’ did I let it get this far? What was going through my mind? Why’d you seem to have it all? Yet you're not mine?...Started off as just good friends....Still we always step the line...Coz falling for you was so easy...You're everything I want, You're everything I need....You're everything I want my girl to be...And even though I know you're in someone else's heart...I can't bare to be apart...See I've fallen for you and I've gotta let you go...And I know that I have got to find a way to get on with my life...I don't wanna let you go ....But it's killing me inside ....How can I just carry on?...I need some piece of mind. How do I just move along? ...And ignore the love so strong?
So until I see this through....I'll be holding on to you...To you... baby...Throughout the months with you I've tried. To find the joy beyond the pain...But when the words and tears subside. Girl you’re still the same
...And I can't look into your eyes... Without thinking about you....See I've tried but these feelings won't leave me
No... I look away when he holds you for I'm afraid that I might find the look in your eyes that I see when you were mine so tell me why I've got to be the one to walk away and leave you there in someone else's arms?
Won't let you go away... this feeling in me wont let you go away... but I guess I have to ... for now despair is very stronger ... and I guess walking away is the best thing to do... life has lost it's meaning ... but yet breathing does not stop..... Some one told me ... "every moment counts Keith"... but my time has stood still in the moment of resentment and I can’t break free… I wanna break free…even though you found hope in hopeless, you made crazy sane… You became the missing link that helped m break my chains... That’s why I say without you my world would end… without you my life is not the same…well the damage is done I guess I should be leaving…

Difference between a Boy and a Girl.
( a typical day to the bank )

Boys:

1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

Girls:

1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car – failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bankcard.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written) in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP 34 mins, Drive back to bank machine
35. Get out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she Was because of HIM.

According to Daily Horoscopes, Scorpio is the eighth sign of the zodiac, being a fixed water or icy sign. In appearance you will be found to be well proportioned, strong in body, muscular, with a broad face and majestic, commanding look. You are a Scorpio and therefore ruled by the enigmatic planet Pluto and also fiery and aggressive Mars. So why are you referred to as icy? Scorpio is probably the most misunderstood sign and has unfortunately received a very bad reputation over the years. This iciness is only the surface of your deep and complex nature. Below this surface of your cool exterior, you're true scorching nature blazes! You’re passionate and express that passion in everything you do.
In a crowded room your aura stands out—not because of anything you may say or do. But being the strong quiet type, you possess a deafening silence that makes it near impossible for others to ignore you. As a Scorpio you’re controlled and know full well that this magnetism can manipulate anyone and everyone who comes within your orb. And you love it! This secretive and enigmatic energy of yours is probably your greatest strength. You are also very loyal and trustworthy and can honour and maintain the secrets entrusted to you. Determination is another of your key words yet; by the same token, you appear aloof and thoroughly insensitive to others’ needs as you push forward to achieve your goals, almost obsessively. You have no fear of obstacles or challenges that come your way either naturally or placed there by foes and competitors. In fact,
you thrive on it. There’s a saying, “A teabag tastes better in hot water” and this applies perfectly to your Scorpio philosophy. Corner you or put you in a difficult situation and watch that Plutonic flavour brew as your competitive nature comes to the fore! If someone decides to challenge you, they’d better be sure they’re ready to give it their best fight because you won’t give in until the job is done and your enemy totally crushed—in body, mind and spirit! If that ruthless act can’t be executed immediately, you will wait. Time is of no consequence to you when you decide to wreak your vengeance on an unlucky recipient.
Whether trying to fulfil your more sensual appetite or the more noble spiritual aspirations within, all pleasure becomes your Scorpio domain. You want it all. You are a born investigator and explorer and need to experience the full spectrum of sensations in your life. This attitude encompasses the fearlessness of Scorpio at every level of your being. But it’s a well-known fact: never double-cross a Scorpio. You will not rest until you have executed your revenge! You’ll shut out forever those who dishonour you by betraying your trust.

FIXED
WATER
RULERS: PLUTO, MARS

A Simple Complicated Question ?

Shit I could have been wrong, but was I right. Am I a freak by nature or am I freak by default. Am I what I seem like or am I what I pretend to be like? Who am I, how do you figure me out. Was it tears or was it just the rain. Fuck who knows. Was it pain or was it grief. I need vindication to where life has me on stand still. I need to know the answers to all those question that linger in my head. My hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption, winding in and winding out the shine of it has caught my eye, so, mesmerizing and so hypnotizing. I am.Whats the meaning of all this. Mambo jumbo. Who decides what is. Why do all good things have to come to an end? Why did I leave that room, why why? Who knows? Was it meant to be, or was it not who knows. Shit nothing makes sense, so I won't think about it. I'll go with the ignorance. Eat, sleep, fuck and flee; in four words, that's me. I am full of indifference now. Taste. I have no taste. I don't like these tiny portions or your artful abortions of sound, sealed with a kiss, slathered in the sauce sarcastic. So go choke on your irony. But then again who is to justify what I think...Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right, I never stopped thinking about you, I'm always wrapped up in things, I cannot win, you are the antidote that gets me by something strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is I'm sorry for the way I am I never meant to be so cold to you. Never meant to slide, slide in this long narrow steep slide to an invisible island. I wanna feel that amazing feeling when surrounded by a city of angles that surrounds you. I don’t want the world to see me, cause I think they don’t understand. There is no bravery left in me, but only the strength to carry on the moment. But I see no bravery no bravery in my eyes. And this moment is silent, my moment is silent. Trace’s of light up in the sky. Like the moment I left when I laid my eyes on you. I looked at you it was like praying with my eyes. But with a trace of something that was meant not to last for long. To many differences, to many faults, to many mistakes, the drift was so fast and vast. The feeling that was so string became a invisible shield, that could not be broken. Why has everything got to be so complicated, why is a feeling so hard to let go, why is what’s so good not last a better time. Why do people change in a blink of an eye? Where is the manual to life stored, I need to find the key to the perfect moment. Till then I am goona have to bitch my way out. The meaning of life has changed; I had rearranged my entire life, System reboot! A new chapter has begun. Wish we started all over again, so you would see who I really am, not who you think I am. I know I was hard to deal with, but I did not mean to be so cold. I want to redeem myself, why have we drifted from something that was so wonderful, why is the only question that has no answer. NO ANSWER.

How to Mend a Broken

(www.ehow.com)

Day 1 Steps:

1. Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time.
2. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
3. Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break.
4. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

Day 2 Steps:

1. Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others.
2. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Week 1 Steps:

1. Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk.
2. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music.
3. Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift.
4. Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it.

Week 2 Steps:

1. Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship.
2. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade.
3. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping. 4. Resist the urge to call your ex

Week 3 Steps:

1. Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
2. Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language.
3. Resist the urge to call your ex.
4. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

Week 4 Steps:

1. Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain.
2. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things.
3. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.
4. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Months 3 to 6 Steps:

1. Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
2. Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
3. Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

One year and beyond Steps:

1. Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
2. Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

Warnings:
While you're upset, don't do anything you'll regret later. I know i did

That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half 'cause you know what it's like to be whole. - GUESS WHO

Below is a conversation that Tori, Ashwin's Fiancee had with a telemarketer.
-><-

Seller: Would you like your ducts cleaned?
Tori: We don't have ducks.
Seller: All houses have ducts
Tori: Well, I don't know where you're from but in this house, keeping birds in the bathtub is discouraged.
Seller: Ducts! Not ducks!
Tori: I think our squirrel is scared of ducks. But thanks anyway!
Seller: I don't mean the animal!
Tori: Ducks are birds!
Seller: Ducts like the ones from the furnace.
Tori: Ducks live in ponds not in the furnace!!!
Seller: Thank you for your time. *hangs up *

If you're a big fan of sarcasm, complaining, cynical realistic thought, hyperbole, liberal sociopolitical ranting, a person who thinks they are better than all, heartbraker, flip-flopping, blasphemy, neverending negativity, alliterative assholes, broad generalization for comedic effect, generalization about broads, Carlin references, worthless shockshit, dooode!, a bitch who gives a fuck about the way you feel, jokes you won't get because you're not ETP, sex offender jokes, dv perp jokes, filtered media CNN coverage, making fun of others to boost your low self-esteem, spoiled little shits, geek subjects, lolicon, forgetting to add lolicon into a list of things that define you, Jim Fucking Rome, pseudo-intellectual commentary, Sasha Cohen, sailor schoolgirls, self-deprecation, Bimmers, the word "douche" spelled d-o-o-s-h-e, free (as in beer) speech, bleeding ass Conservative Party, led by Stephen Harper, dark beers, rationalization, pathetic losers, Love Hina, pointless pontification, or bullshit elitist posturing... THEN FUCK YOU... IF YOUR NOT.... then you might want to sit this one out... :) " embrasse mon derriere " ---------- by bitterlittleman